Never the Perfect Life

I was just reading an article yesterday about a women who was talking about her lifelong struggle with clinical depression. She dealt with it for years before realizing that it was actually a condition that could be treated. The article talked about the fact that a large amount of women are depressed, and it's not diagnosed, because women don't take care of themselves. They're so busy taking care of other people, and things. This woman had a great life, with a nice house, 3 kids, and a maid, and a great car. She was a stay at home mom, and seemed to have the perfect life.

I think a lot of times we don't think of what's happening inside people's hearts. We look on the outside, and assume that people have it all together. But no one does.

I take a daily antidepressent, called Fluoxetine. I have now, for a few years. In my late 20's, I started realizing that my moods, and tempers were getting away from me. I didn't like who I was when these moods would hit. I would throw things, and (confession time) I would even swear sometimes. My mood swings come and go, and I'll go for a while where I feel like I can handle everything. I can stay calm whatever comes up.... but then something clicks, and I just dive. Everything will get on my nerves, and everything will get me angry. I'll act so hateful, and just treat everyone in the house poorly. I know that's not the way I want to be, so I have to consistantly take these meds. A few times over the past few years, I've stopped taking them, thinking I was ok, and after a few months, I would realize...OK, it's time to get back on. I'll probably be on medication the rest of my life. I'm ok with that. It's worlds better that making my family miserable, and be moody and miserable myself. I don't know if it's PMDD, or just some other type of depression, or what, but I know that this medication helps me feel normal again. It just takes the extreme away, and helps me feel more in control.

Well, even though I'm taking this medication, the past few weeks have been pretty rough, anyway. I'm dealing with so much... Gabey's treatments, transfusions, and dr. appts. having Gideon, and dealing with his being in the hospital, his feeding issues, and just having a new baby in the house. Even with the meds, I can feel the depression surfacing. Call it baby blues, post partum depression, whatever. I've been just sad every evening, and wanting to cry.
I was talking to Jeffie last night, and mentioned how in times like this.... it seems like I can feel "eternity"- like it's just stretching out endlessly, and not going to change. The days seem so long, and boring, and even when we do cool things like we did last night, I'll feel edgy, and upset.

I know this will pass. I have a wonderful life. I know how much I've been blessed. I just wanted to share this part of my life with you.

I like posting about happy things, and I will keep on focusing on the good things in our lives. I just wanted to confide in you all that even though I don't write about the rough times as much, they're there, and I'm just like everyone else going through the good and the bad.

Great Neighbors!

Halloween came at the wrong time for us, LOL. Gabey's counts are too low to go trick or treating, and it's on a Wednesday anyway, so we can't really go out because of church. But.....

I talked to my neighbors, and we had trick or treat yesterday! I have 5 really good neighbor friends, and after Jeff got off work, Gabey got into his Mater costume, and went to our friend's houses, and trick or treated. My neighbors were all so cool,and gave him handfuls of candy, and presents! It was so awesome! We got pictures with my sister's camera, so I'll be able to post them as soon as she gets them to me. :)

We got apple cidar, donuts, and caramel apples! We ate Wendy's for dinner, and painted pumpkins. Well, we painted one pumpkin, and just dabbled on the next one. LOL. I still would like to carve the big one we got yesterday, but couldn't last night, because it had wet paint on it.

Fun Trick

My Brother is Home

Michael, my brother in law, spent a long year in Iraq serving our country. I am so thankful that we have him home with us again, safe and sound.

Melissa, his fiance (definitely a keeper) hosted a coming home party last night, and I went with Jeff and Gideon. Chrissy babysat Gabey so I could go. We had such a great time. There was something for everyone to do. I was impressed. It's hard to have a party for such a big crowd, and not have people bored. They had groups playing different things in every area of the house and even corn hole in the garage. LOL. My video game junkie husband spent the evening playing the Wii. Man, is that a neat system. I got to talk to all my sisters in law, and mom in law. It was so nice. It's been a while since I've been able to go to their family get togethers. I had a lot of catching up to do. AND the FOOD!! I was just happy to sample the side dishes, they were all so good, i didn't need any main courses. LOL.
Gideon did me proud, and let everyone hold him. He was passed around quite a bit, and just slept through it. LOL.


Here is my brother Michael, holding Gideon...

Up to the Minute Gideon (and Fam)

My memory card is messed up, yuck. I still have internal memory on my camera, but it only holds 15 pictures at a time. LOL. The way we take pictures, that's definitely not going to cut it for long.

My 2 boys


Burp the Baby





Gabey is becoming a great photographer. These are his. We're going to buy him a camera for his birthday next month.

First Bath

I gave Gideon his first sponge bath today, and he didn't even fuss. It was so cool, I washed his hair even! LOL. I had geared myself up to washing a screaming, squirming baby, and he just laid there, and let me do it, sucking on his binkie. What a good baby.

Elvis has LEFT the Building, LOL.

The hospital discharged Gideon on Sunday, and we ran for home as soon as we could, LOL. On Saturday, I was crying to the Lord that I just didn't know how much more I could handle, and He heard me in His love, and opened up a room at the hospital where Jeff and I were able to stay overnight, and keep Gideon WITH us! It was just such a great gift. Then Sunday morning, they gave the good news that he could go home. We have a ton of appointments this week, but it's been so awesome to have him home with us. Gabey is doing so well. He likes holding him, and seems used to him already. I'm trying to make sure to give him the attention he needs, we did crafts together this morning.

Well, here are more pictures, yippeee.

May Stay the Weekend

Gideon may stay the weekend, just so they can keep a good eye on him. He's doing fine right now. He's kept all the food down today that we fed him. They switched him to Progestirin, which is made from Enfimil (not sure of all the spelling). It has partially digested fat, so it is easier for the tummy to absorb, and also a special oil too. I'm not sure if he'll have to be on it for the long haul, or if we'll be able to go to regular formula at some point. We had such a good visit today. I just enjoyed him so much. I got to feed him, and I brushed his hair, and just snuggled to my heart's content. It was such a heart lifter.

Here are some pictures of today.



Gideon did the sweetest "smile" right before Jeff shot this photo, and I love the pouchie face he has in the picture.


Mommy and her grandson

Welcome Gideon Charles!

Well, it's a long story, and I'm going to have to go into more detail later, but I wanted to get pictures up for you to see.
Gideon was born on Monday afternoon, and it was a blessed delivery for me, with very little pain after the epidural. He was a 9/9 on the APGAR score, and is a big strapping boy.
A very condensed version of the story.... Gideon had some minor personal issues, and had to be transferred to the downtown hospital for a surgery. It has been a rough week. I was discharged from Fairview this morning, and we thought he was going to be discharged from downtown around the same time, but it turns out that he's not keeping food down, so they need to keep him on IV, and find out what's going on. They have some ideas, which are not serious problems, so we're thankful for that. He's going to be staying there until at least Friday. Jeff and I are home for the night, because we don't have a room at the hospital to stay at, and I'm not recovered enough to sleep on a couch there. Other than these setbacks, it seems that he's a healthy strong boy, and will be home with us soon.

Ok, here are the photos for you. :)
















at the CC downtown

Little Esther in Need of Prayer

One of our missionary families has been on deputation to head out to the field of India.

They just learned that their oldest daughter, 5 years old, has cancer. It's stage 4! It's all throughout her body, and in her bone marrow. She has a large tumor by her backbone, and then it's just spreading. They're here now for the start of a very intense treatment, which will go on for a year, trying to control and beat this cancer. She will need a lot of chemo, and she will definitely have to get a bone marrow transplant.

My heart just is in sorrow over this. God has been so good to our family. He has worked a miracle in my son's body. I know that even though her situation seems hopeless, they say she has a 20% chance of survival, God is ALL POWERFUL. Whatever happens will be for His glory.

Recent picture of beautiful Esther. Doesn't she look like a sweet, southern belle?

Slide Show of Gideon's Baby Room

A Ticket for the Preacher (joke)

A preacher was trying to get to a conference in a busy city.
He circled the block of the building many times, and could only find a space in a no parking zone.

He wrote a note that said....

"I've circled the block 10 times, and couldn't find a meter.
If i don't park here, I'll miss my appointment.
'forgive us our trespasses.'"


When he got back, he found a ticket, and a note.....

"I've cricled the block for 10 years.
If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job.
'Lead us not into temptation!'"

Nah

No baby yet. LOL.
I can't really complain, because his lease isn't up until next Tuesday. ROTFL.

Pray that I have the baby TONIGHT!! LOL.

Ok, the Lord has a plan, and I'm waiting on that plan.

Gabey's counts were still too low to go head with the treatment, and I have another week to have the baby before we start the treatment for him. BUTTTTTT, my OB is off next week, so it would just really work so wonderfully if I could just have the baby tonight, or tomorrow. My OB could be there for the delivery, and I would have enough time to recuperate, and we could rest before we started Gabey's treatment.

I was only 2 CM dilated on Tuesday, and I haven't had that much action since then. WAAAHHH. OH well, it could still happen. :)

New Color for Gideon's Room

Here is the new color, it's not true, because the lighting isn't all that good, but it's so pretty, a light cucumber green. Happy, and crisp.





This photo shows the color a little better.

My Mom's Poem

The rain falls down....





The leaves fall down....




The Snow falls down....






























AND THEN THE PEOPLE FALL DOWN!!